The Eagle and the Coyote
by xScuroFenicex
Summary: Short story on how Malik plans to prank Altair and pisses him off in the process


_OK, OK, I know it's a weird title, but the Coyote was a trickster and well, YOU know who the Eagle is ^-^ I did this for an Assassin's Creed prankster contest (unfortunately, I didn't win anything) I thought it was funny, so here you people go!_

"Malik, where are you going?" Altair asked, looking in curiosity at the bag his comrade was carrying.

"Oh, uh...I'm checking on a snare I set up in the woods to see if I caught something." Malik said.

"Well, good luck." The Flyer turned back to the book he was studying.

Malik turned and ran down to the entrance of Masyaf. He mounted a chestnut mare and galloped down the road until he entered the kingdom.

"Now where did I put that snare?" The Hashashin thought as he surveyed the surrounding trees, "If I can find that walnut tree, there will be no problem...Aha!" Malik turned his horse's head towards the ancient, towering tree and urged it into a trot. The closer he got, the more he could hear the desperate chattering of a captured animal trying to break free.

"Please let it be a squirrel...Altair hates squirrels." Malik thought with a mischievous grin. He dismounted and ground picketed the mare before he walked over the the other side of the walnut tree. The Hashashin was greeted by an adult Red Squirrel trying to gnaw through the trap. As soon as the animal saw the intruder, it changed it's chattering to a high pitched squeaking and tried to run the opposite way.

"Hey there! I'm only going to need you for a few minutes, so stop acting as if I'm going to kill you." Malik draped the bag over the squirrel and tied it before cutting the rope that had attached itself to the squirrel's leg.

"Now all I need to do is wait for Altair to get dressed into his robes." Malik thought as he rode back to Masyaf.

*******************

The Flyer was just about to pull on his boots when he heard a knock. He stood up and walked over to the double doors in his quarters and opened one to find Malik's brother, Kadar.

"Someone downstairs is asking for you." Kadar said before Altair had a chance to say anything, "They said it was extremely important you meet with them immediately."

"Do I have time to put on my boots?"

"Apparently not. They want to see you now."

Altair huffed and started down the stairs, still in his stockings.

****************************

"Malik!" Kadar whispered, "He's gone!"

The Hashashin's brother appeared with the bag the squirrel was in.

"Time for stage one and two of objective: Pranking Altair." Malik said with a grin.

"Two?"

"Well, the beginning of stage two. That's no ordinary messenger downstairs."

As soon as Altair reached the last step of the stairs, a messenger in nunnery robes walked over and handed him a sealed envelope.

"We have recently discovered that your child is in our orphanage. Since you are the one parent we could find, we are giving you full guardianship."

"Wait, I have a kid?" Altair interrupted in shock.

"Yes you do. We expect you to come and claim him in the next few days. We will be awaiting your arrival. That envelope has all the details you need."

Altair, still in shock, walked back up to his quarters; Kadar had disappeared.

"I might as well set off today."

The Hashashin bent to pick up his boots...

Malik was walking past Altair's quarters when he heard a loud, high pitched scream. He barely had a chance to react before the doors flew open and his friend had collided with him. Malik grabbed Altair's shoulders to prevent him from running.

"Squirrels...Rabid Squirrels...!" The Flyer said, talking fast.

"Wait, what?" Malik asked.

"One was crouching in my boot. When I bent over, it lunged out and tried to KILL me!"

"You really do hate squirrels don't you?" Malik laughed. "Was that a girly scream?"

"You would hate them too if every single one was out to get you!" Altair snapped, "If you're going to mock me, I have errands to do."

He then proceeded to go back downstairs still in his stockings and muttering something about a spare change of boots.

**************************

It took Altair two full days to reach the orphanage. As he rode up to the closed iron gates, a Nun walking across the grounds noticed him and turned, studying the Hashashin.

"How can I help you?" She asked.

"Umm, I...uh...I'm here to claim my son whom I was told was here." Altair blurted, looking sheepish. Remembering the note he was given, Altair took it from his pocket and gave it to the Nun. "Here, I was given this."

"We don't have anyone under this name and our Orphanage is called the Saint Matthew's Orphanage, not Saint Robert. There is no Orphanage under that name." The Nun said, after studying the note.

"Wait, you said Saint Robert? Where is it?"

"I told you, no such building exists."

"What the hell are you saying? That it doesn't exist? It must exist!" Altair yelled.

"Guards!" The Nun called, "Take this...this insane man away!"

"Time to go." The Flyer thought, jerking his mount's head back in the direction of Masyaf. Before the soldiers had a chance to stop him, he had already galloped away.

"...and then she set the guards on me!" Altair told Malik, who was laughing his head off.

"Perfect!" He said.

"What do you mean perfect?" The Flyer asked suspiciously.

Malik stopped laughing and tried to look innocent. "Uh, nothing."

"You sent me the note didn't you?" Altair accused, leaning towards Malik.

The Hashashin jumped away, just in time to escape Altair's lunge.

"MALIK!" The Flyer yelled as he pursued the fleeing figure, "I'm going to strangle you till your dead, then I'm going to KEEP strangling you!"

"Did I tell you, it was me that put that so called "rabid squirrel" in your boots too?" Malik called back.

Altair chased him down to the city, yelling threats the whole time. Malik rounded a corner and disappeared, leaving the Flyer behind.

"Where is that bastard?" The Hashashin thought, walking towards a stone wall above a haystack. He looked down and saw a familiar figure near the wagon.

"There you are." The Flyer grinned before making a Leap of Faith into the hay below.

"GAH!" Altair screamed. He quickly jumped out of the hay, looking like a human pincushion. "MALIK! YOU ARE SO DEAD!"

The Prankster had filled the hay with needles.

Altair tackled Malik, "HA! Finally." He flipped the body over and stared in surprise at the crude carving of a mocking smile. What he thought was Malik was really a wooden dummy of the Hashashin.

While Altair continued his rampage, Malik mysteriously disappeared and was found three days later in Jerusalem, calmly enjoying a feast accompanied by barrels of wine and adoring women. He told his discoverer (who wishes to have their name classified for safety reasons) that he wouldn't return to Masyaf until the Flyer called off his fury. One month later, Altair Ibn la Ahad withdrew his grudge and Malik safely returned to the Hashashin's headquarters where he was greeted by Altair who dumped a tub full of cold water over his head.


End file.
